that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
