i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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