I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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