Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
