Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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