$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
