We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
