Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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