then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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