PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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