it was like eating out sand paper
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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