Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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