He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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