Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
