don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
