if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
