My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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