Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My nipple is on Facebook.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
