i permit you to call me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
