I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
