I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
