So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
