we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
