Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
