I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize