O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there's paper in my vomit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
