Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Drake has all the answers
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
