i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize