you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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