no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Alive.
So much puke
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
