Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
