i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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