On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
