I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
