you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have post one night stand depression
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
