my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
