Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize