i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
