i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
