What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
