have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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