I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize