And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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