i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
