dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
