My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
