So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
