I cannot find my penis.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
