ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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