So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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