just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
