I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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