some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
