Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize