i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
