you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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