just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
