I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
