Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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