i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
