Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Come share oat with me in your robe
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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