i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
