so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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