If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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