I'm gonna have a badass scar
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize