I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
