Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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