No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
