We named our party play list daddy issues
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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