Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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