she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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