your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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