is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize