White coat. Heels.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
