: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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