So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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