Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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