I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
