I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
