Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
