addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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