I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
