Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize