I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
