it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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