You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The maid of honor just puked.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
