The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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