I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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