So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
