if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
