Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
