I accidentally had phone sex last night
you would pick up someone in the library
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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