Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My bed smells like the plague
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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