Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
