Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
