dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
