Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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