My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
