did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
