Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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