Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
