Where is the hickey?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
