see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize